The worst recommendations
RECOMMENDED IF YOU LIKE: Local shock jocks trying to sell awful things
WARNING: This photo has nothing to do with this article. Wait…maybe it does, because it was recommended that I ride to Estes Park, Colorado, with Peaches the dog instead of riding with my in-laws.
This was a bad recommendation because then I broke out in bumps. Peaches the dog can also talk; so she often pranked me by asking, “You hear that?” I’d reply, “What?” Then Peaches would fart. Everyone else loved it. Not me!
What follows are other awful recommendations. Imagine reading them with the voice of a local Sports DJ for maximum effect.
You’ve heard of Doja Cat…now check out Weed Dog, the son of McGruff the Crime Dog. It’s 2024, so Weed Dog is cool with jamming Crazy Town and blazing weed, but other crimes are still off limits.
You’ve heard of DJ Khaled…now check out DJ NAH MAN’s latest hit with Haystack Music’s own Salad Toss, called “On My Alex Jones Shit!” During the recording sessions, DJ NAH MAN stood in the back of the studio while producer DJ Polanskeet did most of the work. Still hot tho!
You’ve heard of MyPillow…now check out MyShithole…a new reality show from Pappa John. Sundays On CBS after Blu Bloodz.
You’ve heard of adderall…now have some nudderall. There’s already a shortage in Hollywood, and no one knows what it cures, but wow, it has açaí! Call 1-800-NUD-DALL now for your free 10-month supply.
You’ve heard of video games, but have you played that new 401 2K by Chase Bank Sports? Didn’t think so! Chase Bank Sports…It’s in the bank!
You’ve heard of R.E.M. …now check out C.U.M. with their hit song “Boner’s Son.” Sample lyric: “This one goes out to my boner’s son…” I haven’t heard a revelation like that since I read the Old Testament!
You’ve heard of Jackass…now check out Whackass with the hit spinoff Dead Grandpa. Already nominated for 21 awards.
You’ve heard of Third Eye Blind…now check out Third Nut with their hit song, “Dumper.” Sample lyric: “Per pish pyuu poud pep pa pum paht pedj py pehn.” “Excuuuusse me?,” says my jealous friend Bobby Dylan.
You’ve heard of Eve 6…why? I’ll wait. When you’re ready to answer, dial 1-800-FUCK-OFF to discuss!
You’ve heard of Santana…now check out Banana…potassium.