Stories from the pit, vol. 2
On The Apex Theory, and music notes
In 2002, The Apex Theory was going to be the next System of a Down. Hell, The Apex Theory’s lead singer Andy Khachaturian was SOAD’s original drummer. The Apex Theory were also similarly influenced by their Armenian heritage and unafraid to rage against nationalist machines. After SOAD’s Toxicity became a multi-platinum hit album, the Apex Theory’s rise was seemingly a matter of when.
On their self-titled EP, the Apex Theory fit comfortably alongside prog-metal kings like Cave-In and Failure—the bands that the Monroe, Louisiana college station (91.1 FM) keep in rotation, no matter indie rock’s current trends. A highlight of that EP is “Bullshed,” which is probably still playing on 91.1. The song is an interesting glimpse at a band that disappeared as quickly as it ascended to Heatseeker status.
The Apex Theory were weird, even by early 2000s standards. The band’s first single from their Dreamworks-backed LP (Topsy-Turvy) is called “Shh…Hope Diggy” and is corny. Like a PG-rated stew of Kid Rock’s “Bawitdaba” and SOAD’s “Sugar,” the Apex Theory comes “correct” with lines like:
Local lopsided judges lure lunacy over
Loony loud lumpy loopholes
With lingo that's loathsome and
Shady shameless shamsters
Shake and shape shaggy young people
With sharp teeth…
As Albert Brooks said in Broadcast News: “A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!”
The band’s sort-of hit was “Apossibly,” a blast of loud-quiet-loud radio rock full of guitar harmonics and those tribal drum beats that bands like SOAD, Korn, and Incubus played to death. But that combo was enough in 2002 to rise into the Billboard 200 albums chart, have a video on MTV2, and garner a few blurbs from MTV News.
Twenty-one years later, Topsy-Turvy is a curio of 2000s-era rock that’s too smart to be lumped in with the WWE-ness of most nu-metal, but not tuneful enough to have much of an impression.
Lyrically, the Apex Theory is mostly on some futuristic, anti-nationalist shit. Something that I’m not against, but any goodwill these songs feature is loaded with Velveeta-style cheese. They’re fully and sincerely against wage disparity, but the song is called “Mucus Shifters” (what the fuck?) and there are mentions of vitamins and pee-ons (see above parenthetical). They’re aware that mankind is repeating the same mistakes on songs like “In Books” (wow, is that where they found out that revelation…in books?), but offer no solutions outside of a three-adjective outro of “organic, dynamic, exuberant.” On second thought, the solution sounds like Whole Foods.
Musically, drummer Sammy J. Watson and bassist David Hakopyan are a better rhythm section than roughly 65% of all nu-metal bands. As silly as “Shh…Hope Diggy” is, Watson’s drum break down is something I absolutely needed to know how to play when I was a high school freshman. Now, I realize that 14 years old is the appropriate audience age for this band.
Better are songs like “Drown Ink” and “Bullshed” that paint more compelling portraits of 20-somethings caught between tradition, white men, and progress. The message often gets lost, though, in mixed metaphor, onomatopoeia, and awkward phrasing. “Bullshed” is particularly exciting because it sounds like a heavier, more modern “Tom Sawyer” with lyrics are about not “being impressed with blinded herds”—you know, like sheep (see above comment on appropriate audience age for this band). The result is too safe to start a revolution. However, for anyone who heard it, it’s too weird to quickly forget.
At their height, the Apex Theory disbanded (like At the Drive-In and SOAD). Khachaturian started electronica projects, and the rest of the band formed Mt. Helium. “Bullshed” remains in rotation at 91.1—a glimmer of hope for the kids who are now in their mid 30s, wanting anything as far as possible from the ordinary known as Northeast Louisiana, remaining unimpressed with blinded herds.
Notes:
Last year, the Apex Theory sold 20th anniversary reissues of Topsy-Turvy for $100. After costs, proceeds went to the Armenia Fund.
I tried to listen to The National’s surprise album, Laugh Track. More on that later. For now, I’ll give it a WOOF. In dog, that means, “quite poor.”
Baroness’ new album, Stone, should be called Sleep. Because it’s boring. (Damn, got ‘em.)
Current Nas rankings: Magic 2 > Magic 3
No matter what fucking nu-metal bullshit I write about, none of them are as loud as Wye Oak’s “For Prayer.”