Exclusive still: "DUCK DUCK GOOSE"
New "gritty" animated epic to feature voices of Chris Pratt, Tiffany Haddish
The Insydur (this is me, obvs) has a dope-as-shit tip for you Hollywood addicts out there. Trust me, this scoop is straight fire, flaming hot cheetoz.
Hot off the hit that is Super Mario Bros., Chris Pratt has landed another animated feature that is going to be straight BONKERS. No, not that cartoon.
We’re talking about Illumistration Imaginamation’s gritty adaptation of DUCK DUCK GOOSE.
Oh yeah, mother fuckers. Pratt is the “duck” trying to get away from other, villainous ducks who think he’s a goose! Some say it’s a step back for Pratt, but I told those people, “Check yourself before your wreck yourself.”
When I drew out what I thought the movie might be like, Pratt himself called me and said, “Dude…how did you know? You’re insane. In the membrane. Please tell. Hugs and kisses. Pratty-boy!”
Pratt also said the cast is stacked like a roll of Ritz with names like: Tiffany Haddish, Tyler Perry, Selena Gomez, Jenna Ortega, the band Paramore, Hugh Jackman, Jackie Chan, Christoph Waltz, Nicolas Cage as Dennis the Menace, John Mulaney as Snoopy, Tina Fey as Dilbert, and a special appearance by Salma Hayek as Katana from Mortal Kombat.
Directed by John Woo (his first animated feature!), DUCK DUCK GOOSE will straight slo-mo murder the competition at the box office. And if you’re wondering, because this is Woo, DUCK DUCK GOOSE will also feature doves!
Are you smelling what I’m smelling? Oscars! All around! Calling it now. DUCK DUCK GOOSE gettin a straight billon dollars the first weekend out of the gate.
**ED. NOTE, NOT TO BE SEEN BY READERS: INSERT GLADIATOR GIF OF CROWE YELLING ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? READERS WILL EAT UP LIKE FRASER IN THE MOBY DICK ONE**
Insydur out! (That’s me saying this news bulletin is done. (fini))